Joke #11578

This guy said send me a naked pic, so I sent him a picture of my kitty. She's not wearing any clothes.

The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run a few errands and leaves his employee in charge. A woman comes in and wants to purchase a dildo. She looks at the shelf behind the register. "How much for the white one?" "$10." "How much for the black one?" "$20." She buys the white one. A little later , another woman comes in and also wants to buy a dildo. After asking the clerk for prices, she decides on the black one. A third lady comes in for a dildo. She checks the price of the white one , the black one and asks about the plaid one. She makes her purchase and leaves.The proprietor returns and asks how things went. "Great! I sold a white one, a black one, and I got thirty buck for your thermos!"

Man comes home to his wife and says to her: "With the new pair of glasses, you look like sh.t." "But I don't have a new pair of glasses..." she replies. "But, I do."

Q: Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night? A: It keeps them from rolling out of bed!

You have got to be kitten me!

A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.

Little Johnny got caught stealing in a FOOD 4 LESS and runs away from the cops. He runs towards his school and into his classroom. He asks his teacher "May I please hide in your classroom because I got caught stealing". The teacher says "Yes". Little Johnny first hides under a desk, but no, the cops can see him there. He then hides behind the door, but no, the cops can see him there. So the teacher suggested to little Johnny "Hide under my long, fluffy skirt". Little Johnny says "O.K." The cops arrive and ask the teacher "Have you seen a little boy around here?". The teacher replies "sorry, I haven't". When the cops left the classroom the teacher says" Johnny, the cops are gone.you can come out now". Little johnny replies" not yet, I got one more braid to go".

Q: Who was the first cat to fly in an airplane? A: Kitty-hawk

Have you ever seen the serial number on a condom? No? Oh sorry, you must not have to roll it down that far.

Two kittens on a sloped roof. Wchich one slides off first? The one with the lowest mew.

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray this cushy life to keep. I pray for toys that look like mice, And sofa cushions, soft and nice. I pray for gourmet kitty snacks, And someone nice to scratch my back, For windowsills all warm and bright, For shadows to explore at night. I pray I'll always stay real cool And keep the secret feline rule To never tell a human that The world is really ruled by cats!