"I can't wait for Father's Day" said no man ever.
Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.
By tradition, fathers wear a red flower on Father's Day, if their father is alive and a white flower if he's dead. And if they have a nagging wife and a house full of screaming kids, they wear a pink flower - which means they are living but wish they were dead.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time.
Men are like.....Department Stores. Their clothes should always be half off.
I hope this gas station sells Father's Day cards.
The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants - one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him. He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know. Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education." Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?" "Oh," replied Jim " at Yale." "That's very good, excellent. You're hired! Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?" Jim answered "I don't care. Yimi or Mr. Yonson."
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch.
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"