"I can't wait for Father's Day" said no man ever.
How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares?
By tradition, fathers wear a red flower on Father's Day, if their father is alive and a white flower if he's dead. And if they have a nagging wife and a house full of screaming kids, they wear a pink flower - which means they are living but wish they were dead.
One spelling mistake can destroy your life! A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word: "I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her..!"
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a $50.00 bottle. "That’s a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That’s still quite a bit," Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I’d like to see something really cheap." The clerk handed him a mirror.
Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.
I hope this gas station sells Father's Day cards.
Boy: "You know unlike all these other guys, I can make you really happy" Girl: "Why are you leaving?"
What is the perfect Father's Day gift? Taking your Mom away on a vacation with you.
An exhausted hunter out in the woods stumbled across another hunter. Hunter 1: "Am I glad to see you, I've been lost for three days." Hunter 2: "Don't get too excited, friend, I've been lost for three weeks."
Please let me know in advance if you want to invite any secret love children to your Father's Day brunch.