Joke #11633

There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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A woman comes up to me and says, "Hey sexy you lost 185 lbs and now you have money." "You wanna be my sugar daddy?" "Nope I'm diabetic!"
Vote: has 71.52 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

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Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good." Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
Vote: has 71.25 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

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If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

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Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, but nothing compared to you.
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

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Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer. Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a computer instead. During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted: "Well, don't you have something to ask me?" Dave then got down on bended knee. "Honey," he said, "Will you buy me a new computer?"
Vote: has 74.92 % from 114 votes. Send joke:

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The honeymoon couple left the wedding reception and hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills. The driver wasn’t too sure how to get there, so he told the couple he would ask directions when they got closer to their destination. Meanwhile, the lovers couldn’t wait to get busy, so they got down to business in the back seat. During the couple’s moment of passion, the cabdriver noticed a fork in the road, and said, "I take the next turn, right?" "Screw NO, get your own woman," said the groom, "this one’s all mine!"
Vote: has 75.11 % from 210 votes. Send joke:

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Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work." The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try." Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
Vote: has 87.27 % from 2270 votes. Send joke:

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The retired man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts." The doctor replies, "OK. Touch your elbow." The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. The doctor, surprised, then states, "Touch your head." The guy touches his head and jumps in agony. The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. Everywhere the guy touches he hurts like hell. The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays, etc. and tells the guy to come back in two days. Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor declares, "We've found your problem." "Oh yeah? What is it?" asks the retiree. The Doctor remarks, "You've broken your finger!"
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.
Vote: has 68.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

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Are you a mum? I am not a dad! Maybe you could help me with that!
Vote: has 51.61 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

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