Q: What do you call a terrorist attack in the Middle East?
A: A Selfie!
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There's a rumor that Steve Jobs, has been a Buddhist, has been reincarnated as a factory worker on a sweatshop assembly line in China.
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China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.
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CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
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Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
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A blonde and a redhead are taken hostage by terrorists.
The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad.
Just before the squad fires, the redhead points and yells, "Tornado!"
The terrorists run in all different directions, and the redhead escapes.
When they realize what has happened, the terrorists come back to where the blonde is still standing.
They raise their rifles, and thinking quickly, the blonde points and yells, "Fire!
A kid asks his mom "why his sisters' middle name is Paris?"
"Because that's where we conceived her."
"Next, I was going to ask why my middle name is Chevy but now I know why."
"Backspace key"... hiding feelings since ages.
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Q: What's the best thing about ISIS jokes?
A: The execution.
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I love pressing F5. It's so refreshing.
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What to do if you fall into a conversation with someone about the terrorist attacks who doesn't believe in retaliation:
1. Engage in conversation, and ask if military force is appropriate.
2. When he says "No," ask, "Why not?"
3. Wait until he says something to the effect of "Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence."
4. When he's in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can.
5. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that would be awful and he should not cause more violence.
6. Wait until he agrees, and has pledged not to commit additional violence.
7. Punch him in the face again, harder this time.
8. Repeat steps 5 through 8 until he understands that sometimes it is necessary to punch back.