Q: What do you call a terrorist attack in the Middle East?
A: A Selfie!
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There's a rumor that Steve Jobs, has been a Buddhist, has been reincarnated as a factory worker on a sweatshop assembly line in China.
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China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.
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CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
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A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic."
"Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."'
"But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed."
"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause."
"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question."
"What is that, my son?"
"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
An Australian guy walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm.
He asks the bartender if he will give him free drinks if he shows he can put his penis inside the crocs mouth for 15 seconds without it getting bit off.
The bartender agrees.
The guy opens the crocs mouth and puts his penis inside it; the croc gently closes his mouth and after 15 seconds the Australian hits him over the head with a bottle, causing the croc to open his mouth and let the guy withdraw his penis.
The bartender starts serving the free drinks to the Austr alian and then tells everyone in the bar "If anyone else can do that then I will give them free drinks also".
There is a pause and then a blonde woman calls out "ok, I will do it but please don't hit me so hard over my head with the bottle".
Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers?
A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.
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According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphone 6 overheating?
Downloading images of Candice Swanepoel.
A blonde and a redhead are taken hostage by terrorists.
The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad.
Just before the squad fires, the redhead points and yells, "Tornado!"
The terrorists run in all different directions, and the redhead escapes.
When they realize what has happened, the terrorists come back to where the blonde is still standing.
They raise their rifles, and thinking quickly, the blonde points and yells, "Fire!
Knew a Muslim kid in college who was notorious for being late to everything.
We called him 9/12.
Q: How do you electrocute a blonde?
A: Tell her to demonstrate the proper usage of an electric chair.
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