Joke #11666

Q: What's the difference between me and a calendar? A: A calendar has dates.
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It's 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in. He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date. Bobby politely responds that they'll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it." Bobby is shocked. "Excuse me, sir?" "Oh yes, Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her." Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "Dad! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"
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Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
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Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
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A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables. The man at the checkout said, "I bet you're single, aren't you?" "Well yes, I am," the woman replied. "How did you know?" "Because you're really ugly," replied the man.
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I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru. There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window. "We're still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker," the clerk scolded. I drove all the way around the building to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich. "I'm sorry," she said, "we are now serving lunch."
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Yo momma's so old she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said Lil Mary will never amount to anything.
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Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.
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Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.
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Much like Apple products, I also, am only compatible with myself.
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A guy tells his friends: The girl I was dating broke my heart, so I broke her Apple iPhone 5. You all know who cried more
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