Q: What's the difference between me and a calendar?
A: A calendar has dates.
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It's 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue.
Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in.
He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date.
Bobby politely responds that they'll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie.
Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it."
Bobby is shocked. "Excuse me, sir?"
"Oh yes, Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her."
Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go.
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "Dad! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
Me: "Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know."
Waiter: "I asked if you were dining alone."
Me: "Oh, sorry. Yes."
Vote:
Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar.
After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?"
The old woman replies shyly, "Depends..."
"Depends on what?" he asks.
"On my bottom - where else?!"
Vote:
Relationship status - table for one but drinks for two.
Roses are red
lemons are sour.
Open your legs
and give me an hour.
A man and woman were on their first date.
The woman was trying to make conversation and said, "So I hear you hunt deer."
The man looked away and turned red.
"What's wrong?" asked the woman.
"I'm not used to someone calling me dear on the first date," the man said.
A third age Scotsman was waiting for his son to return from his first date.
Finally, he arrived after midnight.
"Were you worried, father?"
"Yes, I was really worried... I want to know how much did that date cost you..."
"It cost me only four euros!"
"Hmm, it's not that much."
"I know father... But the girl didn't have any more money..."
A sexology professor announced that if any man over 50 eats 2 or 3 dates with a raw garlic clove he never fails in sex problems.
This prescription makes his dick strong and heathy.
There is only one side effect.
That diet causes he blows many farts daily!