Joke #11666

Q: What's the difference between me and a calendar? A: A calendar has dates.
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has 83.83 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: dating, single, time

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It's 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in. He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date. Bobby politely responds that they'll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it." Bobby is shocked. "Excuse me, sir?" "Oh yes, Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her." Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "Dad! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"
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has 85.30 % from 1414 votes. More jokes about: dating, kids, marriage, sex, time
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
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has 64.76 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: baby, fat, mean, single, time
Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: kids, sex, single, time
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
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has 43.39 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: dating, family, food, marriage
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
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has 50.29 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: dating, men
Knew a Muslim kid in college who was notorious for being late to everything. We called him 9/12.
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has 72.64 % from 104 votes. More jokes about: college, religious, terrorist, time
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she thought the international dateline was a global dating service.
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has 59.79 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: dating, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? A: It went OK.
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has 69.11 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, dating, nerd
It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream. Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the garage. With ice cream all over his face and his stomach he says, "So, how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream."
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has 67.15 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, disgusting, mechanic, time
"Siri, why am I still single?" Siri activates front camera.
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has 75.60 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: insulting, single, technology, ugly