I still don't understand why smoking weed makes you a criminal... When I smoke it the only thing I a threat to is cake.
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.
An apple, a banana and a penis got into an argument one day. The apple says sadly "I have the worst life ever. People take one bite of me and throw me on the ground." The banana says "You think thats bad? People take off my clothes, eat my insides and leave my clothes on the floor." The penis laughs. "You guys have it easy. You try having people sticking you in dark, wet caves, putting bags over your head, messaging you for hours and making you do push-ups until you throw up!"
Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor? A: Drug Abuse.
Why was the cannibal looking peeky? Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
How do you suffocate a nigger? Tell him there's weed inside the pillowcase.
2 girls meet: "Me & my husband are no longer together..." "Why?" "Well, could you live with a person who smokes weed, drinks, has no job and always cusses?" "No, of course I couldn't!" "Well he couldn't either!"
How do you lead a horse to water? With lots of carrots.
A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go to a restaurant in London. The waiter tells them, "Excuse me if you were going to order the steak, I'm afraid there's a shortage due to the mad cow disease." The Texan says, "What's a shortage?" The Russian says, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker says, "What's 'excuse me'?"
Q: What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with? A: Why, shortbread of course!