I still don't understand why smoking weed makes you a criminal...
When I smoke it the only thing I a threat to is cake.
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Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?
A: They are both baked chickens.
Police Officer: "How high are you?"
Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
My wife's cooking is so bad we usually pray after our food.
Me: "I only smoke weed because of Cancer."
Mom: "You don't have Cancer!"
Me: "So it's working..."
Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor?
A: Drug Abuse.
You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.
Q: What did the Nickelback fan say to the other Nickelback fan when they ran out of weed?
A: Man, this music sucks.
Q: Why did the butcher get fired from his job?
A: He was caught beating his meat.
If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
A mother is making a cake for her three sons when she accidentaly dropps some BB from the shelf into the batter.
She decides that it won't matter and continues to make the cake.
Later that day, her sons eat the cake and don't even notice the BBs.
The next day, when the mother is reading a magazine on the couch, one of her sons runs in saying, "Mom, mom, I pissed out a beebee!"
She says "That's okay, son. I accidentaly dropped some beebees into the cake batter. You'll be fine."
Five minutes later, one of the other sons, come running in and he says, "Mom, mom, I.."
But the mother cuts him off and she says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. I dropped it into the cake batter, but you'll be fine."
Then her last son runs in the room, and he says, "Mom, mom, I.."
And the mother cuts him off and says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. It's my fault for dropping it in the cake batter, but you'll be fine."
But then son says, "No, no, I was masturbating and I shot the dog!"
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