I still don't understand why smoking weed makes you a criminal... When I smoke it the only thing I a threat to is cake.
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be." The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."
Q: What did the Nickelback fan say to the other Nickelback fan when they ran out of weed? A: Man, this music sucks.
Q: What do you call money that grows on trees? A: Marijuana
First cannibal: "I can't find anything to eat!" Second cannibal: "But the jungle's full of people." First cannibal: "Yes, but they're all very unsavory."
Q: How do you know when you are stoned? A: When you are too phoned to stone home.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, it took her an hour to cook instant rice.
A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken. The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
One elf said to another elf, "We had Grandma for Christmas dinner". And the other elf said, "Really? We had turkey!"
Why do lions always eat raw meat? "Because they don't know how to cook."