I still don't understand why smoking weed makes you a criminal...
When I smoke it the only thing I a threat to is cake.
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Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?
A: They are both baked chickens.
There was three guys a sex addict a weed addict and a alcoholic they all went to hell for their sin and was standing in front of the devil.
The devil made a deal with them saying I will lock you in a room with what ever you did for a 1000 years and if you get over any of your sins I will send you back to the land of the living, Earth.
So the sex addict got locked in a room full of virgins, the alcohol addict got locked in a room full of beer, the weed addict locked in a room full of weed.
1000 years later the Devil goes to the sex addict he comes out saying "Aww my dick hurts I'm never having sex again", poof back to earth.
Open the alcoholic room and he say "Im never having beer", and gets sent back to Earth.
Then the Devil opens the weed addicts room and the Weed addict punches the Devil in the face and says "you forgot my lighter bitch!"
You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.
Three robbers break into a bank, but when they open the safe, they find only boxes.
One robber opens a box and finds cups full of yogurt.
"We didn't find any money, but we got something to eat," he tells his partners.
They eat their fill and leave.
The next morning's newspaper headline reads, "World's Largest Sperm Bank Robbed."
A family was having some people to dinner.
At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," replied the little girl, shyly.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie," the woman said.
Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, "Dear Lord, why did I invite all these people to dinner!?!"
Chuck Norris can make a pound cake with only an ounce.
Q: What did the Nickelback fan say to the other Nickelback fan when they ran out of weed?
A: Man, this music sucks.
If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.
Q: Did you hear about the new black breakfast cereal?
A: It's called "Nuttin' Bitch!"
Doctor (to a patient): "You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal."
Patient: "Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home."