I am often asked, "Is google a man or a women?"
My simple answer is:
It's a woman because it won't let you finish your sentence without making a suggestion.
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On the Internet you can be anything you want.
It's so strange that many people choose to be stupid.
Justin Bieber got 100,000 retweets for tweeting "Live life full".
That's just 3 random words.
I'm going to try now.
Jockstrap squirrel potatoes.
Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist?
He got the sack.
PE Teacher: "Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer?"
Pupil: "You told me to put it on the Net."
"Why do you keep going back to that fishing website?"
"I can't help it, I'm hooked."
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I weighed myself today.
It is clear I am too small for my weight.
When you have a question you check with Google.
When Google has a question they check with Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris has a question everybody better run!
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Ok, so there this girl sleeping in religion class
The teaches asks the class "who is our lord and savior?"
The boy behind the girl pokes her with a pen and she screams jesus christ!
The teacher says "good, now who created the earth in seven days?"
The boy pokes the girl again, she lest "oh my god!"
The teacher says "good, now what did Eve say to Adam after their 11 child?
The boy pokes the girl one more time and the girl yells "if you poke me with that ting one more time im going to break it off!"
How do barmen surf the web?
On the Gin-ternet.
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McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains.
The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. "It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes," she explains.
When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. "Miss," he said, "I’m meetin’ me wife right away. How do I get the gum out of me ears?"
Kelly was standing in front of Cohan’s Tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street.
He ran to the car, jumped in, and pulled on the emergency brake with a jerk.
Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him, "I stopped it!"
"I know, you idiot!" said the man. "I was pushing it!"