Joke #11799

The Perfect Man: - wakes up at 5 am everyday - exercises everyday - makes his own bed - cleans his room - works sincerely - does not touch alcohol - helps in the kitchen - does not indulge in night life - always punctual - prays daily - hits the bed at 9 pm sharp Such a perfect man can only be found in jail.

Why do men buy electric lawn mowers? So they can find their way back to the house.

What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it. B. Penicillin.

Men are like Bluetooth. When they’re close they’re connected, when they move further they start looking for new equipment.

2 cannibals having dinner. 1st says to 2nd, "Your wife makes a lovely stew." 2nd answers, "Yes but I will miss her."

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"

What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship? Telling you his real name.

A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"

Man to a woman: "Do you know the difference between a blowjob and a cheeseburger is?" Woman: "No." Man: "Lets have lunch sometime…"

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.

How does a man show he's planning for the Future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.