Men are like.....Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Dogs are man's best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?
Yo moma is so fat, and so nasty, when she sat down on the toilet, grown men fall out of her screaming "We're free! We're free!"
What's the difference between a bachelor & a married man?
Bachelor comes home, see's what's in the fridge & goes to bed.
Married man comes home, see's what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.
A beautiful woman who had a golden little plane necklace was seated next to a guy on the plane.
During the flight all the time he was gazing at the necklace.
When the woman asked him: "Are you interested in my necklace?"
"No lady; I would rather its runway!" answered the guy.
Vote:
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?
Divorce him.
Men are like.....Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check.
"I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man.
"There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash.
Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill.
"Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.
This french guy he wants to learn English.
So one day he goes to an airport to learn "take off".
Then he goes to the zoo to learn "zebra".
Then he goes to the hospital "baby"
So one day he walks up too a hot girl on a beach in a bikini and he said "Take off zebra baby" (take off the bra baby).