Men are like.....Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
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Men are like.....Department Stores.
Their clothes should always be half off.
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.
Men are like guns.
Keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.
Men are like.....Coffee
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Do you know why bankers are good lovers?
They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common?
A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
John was in trouble, really big trouble.
You see, he forgot his wedding anniversary and, if you're married, you can imagine what he's probably going through.
His wife was really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!"
She was serious too, so John got serious.
The next morning he woke up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped, right there in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife threw her robe on and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house and opened in with much anticipation.
Inside she found a brand new bathroom scale.
John has been missing since Thursday.
What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A rumor.