What's the difference between a man and a messy room?
You can straighten up a messy room.
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Do you know why bankers are good lovers?
They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
Q: How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat?
A: Who knows it's never been done.
Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
Men are like.....Laxatives.
They irritate the shit out of you.
How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night?
He controls himself.
4 gay guys walk into a bar and notice there is one stool left.
One gay guy suggest to play rock, paper, scissors and the other gay guy says.
"Stop all this nonsense. Lets just flip the stool over."
A man is moaning to his mate that he never has any luck with pulling women.
His mate tells him he has a chat up line that never fails, no matter how good looking the women are he always ends up in bed with them.
Great says his mate, what is it!
Just walk up to any woman you fancy and say, "Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion! Does this damp piece of cloth smell like chloroform to you?"
A young woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a man wearing a cowboy hat.
"Excuse me sir but are you a real cowboy?"
The man says, "Well I have a ranch and horses. I go to rodeos and raise cattle and other livestock, so yes I suppose I'm a real cowboy."
The woman says, "Well I think I'm a l*sbian. Women are always on my mind whether I'm working eating driving or whatever its still the same. I cant get women off my mind. Yes I think I'm a l*sbian."
The young woman gets up and leaves the coffee shop.
A short time later a young guy comes in and sits down next to the man and asks him, "Sir are you a real cowboy?" To that the man replies, "Well I always thought I was, but just a few minutes ago I found out I'm a l*sbian!"
Did you hear about the man who got a vasectomy at Sears?
Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.