Men are like.....Laxatives.
They irritate the shit out of you.
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Q: Why do men fart louder than women?
A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
"What is the thickest book in the world?
What Men Think They Know About Women."
Girl: "Girls are better than boys."
Boy: "Then why did God make boys first?"
Girl: "Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy."
Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms?
A: So gay guys can play star wars.
A guy walks into an antique store and buys a grandfather clock, he walks out of the shop with it and accidentally walks into a drunk guy. (they both fall over and the clock gets smashed to bits)
The guy says to the drunk, "Why don't you watch where your going?" and the drunk says, "Why don't you carry a wrist watch like everybody else?"
A plane is descending rapidly from the air, and the passengers are all scared stiff.
Suddenly a women near the front of the plane stands up and takes off her shirt.
She proceeds to yell, "Is there a man on this plane that can make me feel like a REAL woman before I die?!"
She continues to yell this for about ten minutes before a man in the very back takes a stand. He proceeds to say "Yeah I can make you feel like a woman."
He then takes off his shirt and throws it towards her and says, "Here! Iron this!"
Man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks "whats your name ?"
"Carmen" she replies,... "I like cars and men ! Whats yours ?"
The man looks her up and down and sayes "Beerpussy ..."
How do you know if a man is lying?
His lips are moving!
I am a marvelous housekeeper.
Every time I leave a man I keep his house.