Men are like.....Laxatives.
They irritate the shit out of you.
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"It's a boy," I shouted, as tears began to roll down my cheeks.
"I can't believe it, it really is a boy."
That's when I swore never to return to Thailand.
Q: What is the difference between a puppy and a man?
A: Eventually the puppy will grow up and stop whining.
Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash.
Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill.
"Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.
Why does a penis have a hole at the end?
So guys can be open-minded.
"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?"
"A Budweiser in each hand!"
How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother.
On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said...
'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'
Q: Why all men say "Ladies first"?
A: They want to watch their asses.