Men are like.....Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.
Why are all jokes about women one-liners? So men can understand them.
A man and woman were on their first date. The woman was trying to make conversation and said, "So I hear you hunt deer." The man looked away and turned red. "What's wrong?" asked the woman. "I'm not used to someone calling me dear on the first date," the man said.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
What did God say after creating man? I can do better.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts? Guilt gifts are nicer.
There is the chief of Indians, and he is going down a field with his tribe, and they come across a pile of sh*t.So the chief asks his tribe men : "Does this look like sh*t to you?" "Yes is does", they replied. "Smell it. Does it smell like sh*t to you", asks the Chief. "Mmmmm..Yes" "Feel it. Does it feel like sh*t to you?", says the Chief. "Mmmmm..Yes" "Lick it. Does it taste like sh*t to you?", inquires the Chief. "Ammmm...Yes" "Good. Don't step on it!"
What's the Australian Male's idea of foreplay? "Brace yourself, Sheila."
Why are men like blenders? You need one, but you're not quite sure why.