Joke #1575

Men are like.....Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.

What did God say after creating man? I can do better.

Do you know why men have holes in the end of their penises? So oxygen can get into their brains.

A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp. After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for. So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars. "Every blonde in the world will get two million." The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man. Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men. The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes. "Now for your third wish." said the genie. "See that stick over there?", asked the brunette, "I want you to beat me half to death with it."

Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.

Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One...men will screw anything.

Men are like.....Lawn Mowers. If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.

I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons, I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.

Men are like.....Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.