Q: How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad?
A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!
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There was three guys a sex addict a weed addict and a alcoholic they all went to hell for their sin and was standing in front of the devil.
The devil made a deal with them saying I will lock you in a room with what ever you did for a 1000 years and if you get over any of your sins I will send you back to the land of the living, Earth.
So the sex addict got locked in a room full of virgins, the alcohol addict got locked in a room full of beer, the weed addict locked in a room full of weed.
1000 years later the Devil goes to the sex addict he comes out saying "Aww my dick hurts I'm never having sex again", poof back to earth.
Open the alcoholic room and he say "Im never having beer", and gets sent back to Earth.
Then the Devil opens the weed addicts room and the Weed addict punches the Devil in the face and says "you forgot my lighter bitch!"
Q: How do all stoner stories start?
A: This one time when I was high...
Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
There are three moms.
A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.
They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed.
I cannot believe she smokes weed"
They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse.
I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her.
Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse.
I just cannot believe she has a penis"
Q: How can you tell if you have smoked too much weed?
A: You can't smoke too much weed.
Smoke a smoke
Not a butt
Fuck a virgin
Not a slut.
Officer: "your eyes look red man have you been smoking weed."
Suspect: "officer your eyes look glazed like you has had doughnuts."
Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner, "Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle?"
"Whada ya win?"
"A million dollars!" said the redneck.
"You get a dollar a year for a million years."
"How much are they each?"
"Ten cents.
Two for a quarter.
Or three for half a dollar!"
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?
A: They are both baked chickens.