Q: How do all stoner stories start?
A: This one time when I was high...
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There was three guys a sex addict a weed addict and a alcoholic they all went to hell for their sin and was standing in front of the devil.
The devil made a deal with them saying I will lock you in a room with what ever you did for a 1000 years and if you get over any of your sins I will send you back to the land of the living, Earth.
So the sex addict got locked in a room full of virgins, the alcohol addict got locked in a room full of beer, the weed addict locked in a room full of weed.
1000 years later the Devil goes to the sex addict he comes out saying "Aww my dick hurts I'm never having sex again", poof back to earth.
Open the alcoholic room and he say "Im never having beer", and gets sent back to Earth.
Then the Devil opens the weed addicts room and the Weed addict punches the Devil in the face and says "you forgot my lighter bitch!"
Q: How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad?
A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!
Q: How did the sand get wet?
A: The sea weed!
Be careful never to let a blonde have a coffee break...
It takes too long to retrain her afterwards!
There are an older brother and a younger sister.
The sister went to the bathroom while the brother was in the bathroom.
The sister asks the brother if she could play with his dick and he says yeah.
A few weeks later there was a big storm and the sister goes to the brother's room and asked the brother if she could play with Mr.Cuddles he says no.
Then the sister said that she would tell on him so a little pissed of he says yes.
After a while, the parents hear a scream.
They rush to the brother's room and asks the sister what happened she said "Mr.Cuddles spat on me so I bit his head off."
Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale?
A: Mr. President.
Q: Why don't you see any pot heads in elementary school?
A: Because they're all in high school
On a Trans-Atlantic Flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.
The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.
One woman, in particular, loses it!
Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.
"I'm too young to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?"
For a moment there is silence.
Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane.
"I can make you feel like a woman," he says.
He's drop-dead gorgeous.
Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches.
He removes his shirt.
Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Here, iron this."
blonde asked someone what time it was, and the person told her it was 3:45.
The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied, "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."