Joke #11853

Q: How do all stoner stories start? A: This one time when I was high...

There was three guys a sex addict a weed addict and a alcoholic they all went to hell for their sin and was standing in front of the devil. The devil made a deal with them saying I will lock you in a room with what ever you did for a 1000 years and if you get over any of your sins I will send you back to the land of the living, Earth. So the sex addict got locked in a room full of virgins, the alcohol addict got locked in a room full of beer, the weed addict locked in a room full of weed. 1000 years later the Devil goes to the sex addict he comes out saying "Aww my dick hurts I'm never having sex again", poof back to earth. Open the alcoholic room and he say "Im never having beer", and gets sent back to Earth. Then the Devil opens the weed addicts room and the Weed addict punches the Devil in the face and says "you forgot my lighter bitch!"

Q: How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad? A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!

Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. "What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's the talking clock" the man replied. "How does it work?" "Watch", the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For fuck sake, you wanker, it's 2am in the fucking morning!!"

Police Officer: "How high are you?" Pothead: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"

2 girls meet: "Me & my husband are no longer together..." "Why?" "Well, could you live with a person who smokes weed, drinks, has no job and always cusses?" "No, of course I couldn't!" "Well he couldn't either!"

Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale? A: Mr. President.

You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.

Scientists have predicted the world will end in 2012, but that's just a guess when Chusk Norris' patience will run out.

How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.