Q: How do all stoner stories start?
A: This one time when I was high...
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There was three guys a sex addict a weed addict and a alcoholic they all went to hell for their sin and was standing in front of the devil.
The devil made a deal with them saying I will lock you in a room with what ever you did for a 1000 years and if you get over any of your sins I will send you back to the land of the living, Earth.
So the sex addict got locked in a room full of virgins, the alcohol addict got locked in a room full of beer, the weed addict locked in a room full of weed.
1000 years later the Devil goes to the sex addict he comes out saying "Aww my dick hurts I'm never having sex again", poof back to earth.
Open the alcoholic room and he say "Im never having beer", and gets sent back to Earth.
Then the Devil opens the weed addicts room and the Weed addict punches the Devil in the face and says "you forgot my lighter bitch!"
Q: How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad?
A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!
The phrase "Just a second" comes from the time it takes for Chuck Norris to heat up a cup of coffee... with his breath.
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Three kids were smoking behind the shed.
"My dad can blow smoke through his nose!" boasted the first.
"Ha, mine can blow smoke through this ears!" countered the second boy.
"That’s nothing," piped up the third. "My dad can blow smoke through his arse. I know,‘cos I’ve seen the nicotine stains on his undies."
Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed?
A: Han So-high
Yo momma is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas.
Q: What do you call money that grows on trees?
A: Marijuana
Q: Why don't you see any pot heads in elementary school?
A: Because they're all in high school
Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale?
A: Mr. President.