Joke #11675

Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed? A: Han So-high
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Newton's 3rd Law never applies to Chuck Norris.
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A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey. The monkey call out hey little buddy come up here I got some great pot. So the little lizard climbed up the tree. The little lizard and the monkey smoked a great big joint. The little lizard said hey this stuff is great but I have horrible cottonmouth. Well there is a river just down there. So the little lizard walk down the tree through the brush and started to drink the water. All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water. Hey little buddy waz up said the croc, "I just got stoned with my pal the monkey." "Really" said the croc, "where is he I want some." He is through the brush and up the tree. So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree. The monkey said "holy shit how much did you drink little buddy."
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At a government affair, the wives of four world leaders are chatting about how people refer to a penis in their countries. The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman, because it stands up when women are entering. The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot, because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the back side. The wife of Chirac says in France you call it a curtain, because it goes down after the act. With great resignation, the wife of Clinton says in the USA you call it a rumor, because it goes from mouth to mouth…
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Whats the difference between usain bolt and hitler? Usain bolt can finish a race...
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Q: How long does it take before a pound of weed goes bad? A: I don't know! I've never had it longer than an hour!
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What happens if you download the Princess Diana screensaver application? Your iphone will keep crashing!
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Q: How did the sand get wet? A: The sea weed!
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Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as he who shall not be named.
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Q: How do all stoner stories start? A: This one time when I was high...
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You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.
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