Joke #11675

Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed? A: Han So-high

If you say "alright" in the mirror 3 times Matthew McConaughey will appear and hand you a joint.

How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas? Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.

Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.

Superman got his powers when Chuck Norris sneezed on him.

If Charlie Sheen is winning, it's only because Chuck Norris isn't playing.

During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton and Representative Condit had brought about the need for an eleventh commandment. They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten. After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be: "Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."

You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.

How do you suffocate a nigger? Tell him there's weed inside the pillowcase.

Bill Gates and Jim Cannavino from IBM are arguing about the future of 32-bit operating systems. They decide to throw a coin. Cannavino: "If the number is up, OS/2 will be the new standard, if it’s head Windows95 will be the new standard." Gates: "Hey, you forgot Windows NT." Cannavino: "No, I didn’t. If the coin falls on end, Windows NT will be the future."

1st Officer: "Guess who I pulled over in a traffic stop the other day?" 2nd Officer: "Who?" 1st Officer: "Janet Jackson!" 2nd Officer: "What she do, was she speeding?" 1st Officer: "Nah, she had one headlight out."