Joke #11880

Q: How did the hail stone describe its life? A: It really has a lot of ups and downs.

Q. What is Snoop Dog's favorite weather? A. Drizzle

McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. "It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes," she explains. When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. "Miss," he said, "I’m meetin’ me wife right away. How do I get the gum out of me ears?" Kelly was standing in front of Cohan’s Tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street. He ran to the car, jumped in, and pulled on the emergency brake with a jerk. Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him, "I stopped it!" "I know, you idiot!" said the man. "I was pushing it!"

Q: What is the sound of Chuck Norris clapping one hand? A: Thunder.

A Pontiac takes examinations for the driver’s licence for the fourth year in a row. The examiner asks him "So, you’re running on the street. You have a mountain on your right and there’s a cliff on your left. There are two women in your way; the one young and the other an old woman. Which one are you going to hit?" "Of course the old woman!" The examinet frustrated "I told you last year! You hit the brakes!"

Chuck Norris can strum your pain with his fingers, tell your whole life with his words – but mainly just kill you softly with his song.

It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

As I shopped, the following announcement came over the department store's PA system: "If someone here has a convertible with the top down, it just started raining. Towels are located in aisle five."

A diner complained, "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!" His waiter replied, "That's entirely possible; our cook used to be a tailor."

Three old guys are out walking. First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?” Second one says, “No, its Thursday!” Third one says, “So am I. Let’s go get a beer.”

There is a 3 story apartment building with 1 apartment on each floor. A white family lives on the top floor. A mexican family lives on the second floor. A nigger family lives on the botom floor. At 2:00 PM in the afternoon a terrrible tornado hits the building, totally destroying it. Which family lived? The White family, because both parents were at work and the kids were in school.