I'm so hipster, even I've never heard of my favorite band.
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If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, a hipster will buy it on vinyl.
Q: What do you get if you cross a fridge and a hipster playlist?
A: Cool music!
Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"
A: "You can't tuna fish."
The Beatles' song "HELP" was written after they met Chuck Norris.
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I thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 20 minutes before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a pigeon.
Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?
A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
Chuck Norris can watch music.
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One Sunday afternoon an older couple was listening to a holy station on the radio.
They were about 98 years old and so frail, they couldn't walk to church.
The preacher said, ''If you put one hand on the radio and one hand on whatever you want healed I will heal it for you.''
So the old woman put one hand on the radio and one hand on her heart.
The old man tried to not let the old woman see but he put one hand on the radio and one hand on his penis.
The old woman looked over and said, ''He said he could heal, not raise the dead!''
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Hipsters hate rivers.
Too mainstream.