Q: What do you get when you combine a Starbucks and Yoga class? A: I don't know, but there's probably a hipster close by.
A man is participating in a golf tournament. He was left to golf with just his caddy. On his tee-off, the golfer's ball lands in a patch of buttercups. The caddy tells the golfer he can take the ball onto the course, and he won't take a one stroke penalty. However, the golfer refuses and takes the ball out of the buttercups and takes the stroke penalty. Suddenly, Mother Nature appears. "What you just did was amazing. I am so proud that you enjoy nature and all of its beauty. For your reward, I will give you a lifetime supply of butter." "Thanks," says the man. "But where were you last week when my ball landed in the pussywillows?"
Chuck Norris can bungee jump with out a rope.
If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, a hipster will buy it on vinyl.
Q: What's a hipster's favorite profession? A: Mortician. All of his work is 6 feet underground.
Why did the man keep doing the backstroke? He’d just had lunch and didn’t want to swim on a full stomach!
Q: Why is horse racing so romantic? A: Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.
Q: What's brown and very bad for your dental health? A: A baseball bat.
Where's the safest place to be when a bunch of white guys are playing basketball? Under the Hoop
James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United. They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together. One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16. The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty. Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season. Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'. 'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'
He was a colourful boxer. Black and blue all over.