Joke #4031

The frustrated golfer drove over the river and threw the woods. Swimming

The man says, "Will you buy booze?" The bum says, "No." The man says, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum says, "No." So the man says, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"

A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice. When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: “There are no fish in there”. So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there. So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks up and sees an irritated man staring down at her. “How do you know there are no fish there?” asks the blonde. So the man cooly says “Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all, you’re going to have to pay for those holes.”

They presented him with a cup when he was a boxer. It was to keep his teeth in.

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."

Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player. How come? Every time he plays I wonder “why the fuck did I bothered to buy him”!

Your mama so fat, that she can use herself as a bowling ball and get 10 strikes in all of the lanes!

Q: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style? A: That way they can both watch wrestling.

What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court? Annette!

Chuck Norris doesn't throw a baseball, it just leaves his hand cowering in fear.

The wife of a boxer wakes up because of the sounds that come from the dining room. She wakes her husband up: Rocky, I think someone wants a particular boxing lesson...