Chuck Norris rejects your reality and substitutes it with his fist.
Chuck Norris doesn't even have to bid in an auction to win it.
Chuck Norris uses a stunt double during crying scenes.
Chuck Norris believes in victim's rights. His victims have the right to dig their own graves before he kills them.
Chuck Norris runs Windows Vista, and it has never crashed.
When I was a kid, my Chuck Norris action figure broke all my other toys while I was at school. When my mom tried to throw him away, he killed her.
All of Chuck Norris's opinions can be proven with science.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
Chuck Norris was asked if he would be running for President, after a chuckle, he stated, nothing makes him run.