Q: Why is Santa always so jolly when he comes to the UK?
A: He can claim Gift Relief.
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Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA?
A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.
Q: What is Father Christmas's tax status?
A: Elf-employed.
Q: What do you call a terrorist attack in the Middle East?
A: A Selfie!
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God tried to make everyone different. He got bored by the time he got to China.
Q: What do cannibal tax advisors do after their office Christmas Dinner?
A: Toast their clients.
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Santa Claus asks Chuck Norris for presents.
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CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
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Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl.
"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"
"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
Q: What's the difference between death and taxes?
A: Congress doesn't meet every year to make death worse.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.
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