Q: Why is Santa always so jolly when he comes to the UK?
A: He can claim Gift Relief.
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Q: Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA?
A: So he can avoid Gift Taxes.
Q: What is Father Christmas's tax status?
A: Elf-employed.
Q: How do tax accountants make a bold fashion statement?
A: Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.
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You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.
A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.
But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it.
This is my position, and I will not compromise."
A passenger piled his luggage on the scale at an airline counter in New York and said to the ticket agent:
"I'm flying to Los Angeles. I want the large bag sent to Denver and the two small ones to Cincinnati."
"I'm sorry sir, but we can't do that," said the ticket agent.
"That's good to hear because that's where they ended up the last time I flew this route."
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Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl.
"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"
"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy were all real at one time... then they met Chuck.
There can only be 1 living legend.
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Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle?
It wants to keep it's Stockholm!
Even though telemarketers are slightly less beloved than dentists and tax auditors, that's the job my friend took during his summer vacation.
Halfway through one of his sales pitches, he heard a clicking at the other end of the line.
Thinking the man may have hung up, he asked, "Are you still there?"
"Yeah, still here," said the man.
"Sorry, I heard a click and I thought you'd been disconnected."
"No," the man said, "that would sound more like this."
He then proceeded to show me what it would sound like by slamming down the phone.
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