The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real. It's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris has 2 kids. We know them as Pain and Suffering.
When Chuck Norris was a kid he didn't play with Lincoln Logs, he built real houses.
Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: "Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."
Santa writes to Chuck Norris about what he wants for Christmas.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.
Santa Clause doesn't watch you sleep but Chuck Norris does.
Santa Claus goes to the mall to sit on Chuck Norris' lap.
Santa Claus asks Chuck Norris for presents.
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed went itself out of fear.