The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real. It's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: "Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."
Chuck Norris has 2 kids. We know them as Pain and Suffering.
Santa writes to Chuck Norris about what he wants for Christmas.
Q: What does Superman, Batman, and Ironman have in common? A: When they were kids they wanted to be Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.
When Chuck Norris was a kid he didn't play with Lincoln Logs, he built real houses.
Santa Claus asks Chuck Norris for presents.
Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy were all real at one time... then they met Chuck. There can only be 1 living legend.
Santa delivers to Chuck Norris' house first.
Chuck Norris can't have children, because his dick wouldn't fit.