Joke #12019

Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin? A: Polar Bond.
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has 64.78 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: winter

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Q: Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter? A: Because their lips will get chapped!
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has 38.75 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: beauty, dirty, winter, women
Q: What does Frosty's wife put on her face at night? A: Cold cream!
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has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: beauty, wife, winter
Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: bird, disgusting, holiday, winter
The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss to allow alcohol. 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
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has 62.93 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, holiday, money, winter, work
To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland": Dog tags ring, are you listening'? In the lane, snow is glistening. It's yellow, not white I've been there tonight, Marking up my winter wonderland. Smell that tree? That's my fragrance. It's a sign for wandering vagrants; "Avoid where I pee, it's my property. Marked up as my winter wonderland." In the meadow dad will build a snowman, following the classical design. Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man, So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine! Straight from me to the fence post, flows my natural incense boast, "Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth, I mark it as my winter wonderland."
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has 56.76 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, poems, winter
Q: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush? A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: travel, winter
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?" "Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"
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has 74.33 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, life, military, winter
Ring out the old, ring in the new, Ring, happy bells, across the snow: The year is going, let him go; Ring out the false, ring in the true.
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has 36.64 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: new year, poems, winter
Q: How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? A: You wake up wet!
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, winter
The Winter Olympics. Letting white people win at sports no one else can afford to learn.
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has 75.09 % from 359 votes. More jokes about: racist, sport, white people, winter