A hubby is having a short conversation with his wife. See dear, if you got home early from work one day and you found me pounding on another woman, this would be called an awkward situation! So its the same honey, if you came home early from work and found me in bed with another man? No darling, you are now confused and mixing the awkward situation with proper beating!
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news." "Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient. The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live." "That's terrible," said the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?" The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
I can honestly say in all our years of friendship, I have never heard anyone question John’s intelligence, to be perfectly honest I never heard anyone even mention any intelligence on John’s part.
What did God say after creating man? I can do better.
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
(A) You are not Tom Cruise, (B) The guns may stop working at the last moment, (C) The Enemy is 1000 times intelligent than you, (D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf (E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!"
Did you hear about the man who got a vasectomy at Sears? Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.
What's the difference between a bachelor & a married man? Bachelor comes home, see's what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, see's what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
A man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce dangling from his rectum. "That looks nasty," says the doctor. "Nasty?" the man says. "That's just the tip of the iceberg."