What's the Australian Male's idea of foreplay? "Brace yourself, Sheila."
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? A.A dog is always happy to see you B.A dog only takes a couple of months to train.
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.
In the beginning, God created Earth and then rested. After that, He creaed man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man got ever rested.
One day Dan asks Bob, "So Bob what did you get for Christmas?" Then Bob says to Dan, "Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?" Dan says, "OOOOH WOW! Bob says, "Ya, I got the same exact color tie!"
A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk.
Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What is a man's idea of helping with housework? Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
Three men go on a skiing trip, but when they get to the HOTEL they find out that the hotel have mucked up their rooms and they have to share one big bed. When they wake up the guy on the left says I had a well strange dream last night that I was getting a hand job, and then the guy on the right goes thats strange O had the same dream I was getting a hand job. Then the guy in the middle goes well thats strange because I had a dream I was skiing!