Joke #1245

When you were in the gang then, you just had to look cool, just walk around and look like you were tough. Someone started talking about fighting -- 'No, man, I've got to go home.'

Two strangers meet on a golf course and decide to play together. One man says, "I'm a salesman. What about you?" "I'm a hit man for the mob," replies the second man. He pulls out a high powered rifle loaded with scopes and sights. He then asks the man where he lives. Nervously, the first man replies, "In a subdivision just west of here. Gray roof, yellow siding." "You got a silver compact and a red pickup?" "The compact is my wife's car, but that's my buddy Jeff's truck." The hit man looks through the scope again. "Well, they're going at it like teenagers in your bedroom." "I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot him in the balls." The hit man says, "I get paid $5,000 per shot." "I don't care! Just do it!" The hit man takes careful aim and says, "This is your lucky day. You're going to get a two for one!"

Q: What has 2 arms, 3 legs, and 4 feet? A: The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last big hit was The Wall.

Whats the difference between a jew camp and a summer camp? The kids come back.

Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?" Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."

How did they know that the driver had dandruff? They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.

Smith was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven. And everyone who goes to heaven has to work. God went up to Smith, and said: Smith, you are going to make babies. Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out. For hours, Smith spun the wheel at full speed, then he started to get tired. As he was slowing down, a black baby came out...and Smith said: **** I better hurry because they are burning."

Q: What happens if your dishwasher stops working? A: You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

Want to hear a clean joke? The boy took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a man.

While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out. "Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough."