When you were in the gang then, you just had to look cool, just walk around and look like you were tough. Someone started talking about fighting -- 'No, man, I've got to go home.'
Anal sex is like your first car - you dont really want it, but your dad gave it to you anyways.
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles? A: Because his wife died.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
A blonde hops on and off a curb on a busy street, saying 54 over and over. A brunette walks by and asks what the blonde is doing. The blonde replies that she is jumping on and off the curb saying 54 over and over. The brunette joins her. Soon, the brunette gets hit by a passing car. The blonde watches as the car drives away. The blond then continues to jump on and off the curb, saying 55 over and over.
My dad died on 9-11. He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.
What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ? One's composing, the other is decomposing.
If you want to feed an injured woodpecker, take it by the tail and hit it to the tree.
If you throw a kitten out of a moving car, would it be considered kitty litter?
What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
What is the difference between a fridge and a kid? A fridge doesn't shout when you put your meat inside it.