Q: What explorer was the best at Hiding and Seek?
A: Marco Polo.
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Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin.
The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Vote:
Who's the biggest prostitute in history?
Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
Q: Why couldn't the sailors play cards?
A: The captain was sitting on the deck.
If Charlie Sheen is winning, it's only because Chuck Norris isn't playing.
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Superman and The Flash have a race around the world.
Who wins?
Chuck Norris.
Vote:
How do you make a snooker table laugh.
Put your hands in its pocket and tickle its balls.
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference.
If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."
A Scottish man was at a baseball game.
It was the first time he had ever seen the sport so he sat quietly.
The first batter approached the plate, took a few swings and then hit a double.
Everyone was on their feet screaming “Run, run!”
This happened two more times, with a single and a triple.
The Scottish man was now excited and ready to get into the game.
The next batter came up and four balls went by.
The umpire called “walk” and the batter started on a slow trot to first.
The Scotsman, extremely excited now, stood up and screamed, “R-R-Run ye ba$$tarrd, rrrun!”
Everyone around him started laughing so the Scotsman, extremely embarrassed, sat back down.
The fan sitting next to the Scotsman noticed his embarrassment, so he leaned over and explained, “He can’t run because he got four balls.”
The Scotsman immediately stood up and screamed, “Walk with pride, man! Walk with pride!”
Q: What's Mexicans favorite video game.
A: Borderlands.
There is a Navy guy and a Marine in the washroom.
The Marine goes to leave without washing up.
The sailor catches up with him later and says, "In the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands."
The Marine replies, "In the Marines, they teach us not to pee on ours!"