Did you hear about the dentist who planted a garden? A month later he was picking his teeth.
Ten years without brushing causes horrible tooth decade.
The phrase "Just a second" comes from the time it takes for Chuck Norris to heat up a cup of coffee... with his breath.
Q: Why did the hipster leave his oceanside mansion? A: It was too current.
Q: Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary out? A: He was already taking out a tooth.
"I thought, Miss Smith, that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist?" "That's right, Sir." "So how come I saw you coming out of the movie theatre with a friend?" "That was my dentist."
A lady says to the psychiatrist, "I think I might be a nymphomaniac." He says, "I'll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour." She says, "How much for all night?"
Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? A: I haven't seen you for a year!
Q: Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week? A: So you don't have to retrain them every Monday.
The vice-president of a local company had quite a problem. He was told by his boss to lay off one of his employees, either Mary or Jack. His choice was a tough one because Mary had been a devoted employee for 10 years and Jack was a fine worker who had a family to support. At night, the VP tossed and turned in his sleep trying to decide which of his employees he would lay off. Finally he decided, the first one to come to work tomorrow would be the one. Morning finally comes and the VP waits at the office for one of the two employees to arrive. At 8:55 Mary walks into the office. "I've got a difficult decision" the VP says, "I either have to Lay You or Jack off." "Oh? jack-off," Mary says, "I've got a headache."
A husband and wife are having financial troubles. They agree she should walk the streets to pick up some extra cash. The husband drops his wife off in the red light area of town, and returns 6 hours later. She gets in the car and says, "Look, I made $40.50 !" "What jerk gave you 50 cents?" he asks. "All of them!"