The stock market really plummeted today, but luckily there is a computer chip that is used to turn off the board if it gets too low.
The Cubs have the same chip in there scoreboard.
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PE Teacher: "Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer?"
Pupil: "You told me to put it on the Net."
The computer programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball."
Son: "Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's guide?"
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Rugby player: "Doctor, doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror - I feel like throwing up.
What's wrong with me?"
Doctor: "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."
Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player?
Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.
Have you heard about the Viagra computer virus?
It turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but his seats were in the nosebleed section -- but he didn't care, he had always dreamed of going to the Super Bowl.
So he wants to find a seat closer to where he can see better.
He finds this seat toward the front and he asks the guy next to it whether anyone is sitting there.
The guy replies, "No, because my wife just died."
"Well," says the first man, "why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?"
The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes?
She sticks it in the microwave.
Microsoft Office doesn't correct Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris correct Microsoft Office.
Q: What do computers and air conditions have in common?
A: They're both become useless when you open windows.
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Chuck Norris can access the DB from the UI.
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