There was this kid who wanted to divorce his parents, so he takes them to court.
The judge says, "do you want to live with your dad?" the kid says "no!
he beats me!".
The judge says,"you want to live with your mom?" "no! she beats me too!".
So the judge says, "who do you want to live with then?"
The kid says, "The Cleveland Browns...they can't beat anybody!"
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Chuck norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund
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I wish this gym had a stationary bike built for two.
Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
Our new midfielder cost ten million.
I call him our wonder player.
How come?
Every time he plays I wonder “why the fuck did I bothered to buy him”!
Why are baseball players in trouble with the law so often?
They always hit and run.
Q: What is a banana's favorite gymnastic move?
A: The splits!
Why did the football coach go to the bank?
"To get his Quarter back."
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
When I see you, there's a Ruthian blast in my pants.
High five!