A golfer was addressing his ball, getting ready to shoot.
Just as he was about ready to hit, a voice came over the p.a. system -
"Will the gentleman on the lady's tee please move back to the men's tee".
He looked up, looked back down and then resumed addressing the ball again.
The Voice again - "Will the Man on the Red tees PLEASE MOVE BACK to the White Tees?!"
He looked back at the starters shack and yelled,
"Will the IDIOT on the p.a. shut up so that the man on the lady's tee can hit his second shot"!
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My dad is really annoyed, I had the TV on and he accidentally saw the entire football match – he’d just wanted to watch the results on the news.
Yo mama so fat when she was swimming in the ocean the indians claimed her as the new land.
"Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy."
Waiter: "That's because they're the chopsticks, sir."
Why is there no mexican olympics?
Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the boarder.
Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
A golfer tried three straight times to hit a golf ball over the inlet of water between him and the green.
But each time the ball splashes into the drink.
In utter frustration the golfer said, "Caddie, take my clubs on in, I'm going to jump into the water and drown myself."
The caddie replied, "I doubt that, sir. You couldn't keep your head down long enough to drown!"
One recent Sunday, a young boy arrived to his Sunday school class late.
His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.
The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing, but that his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead.
The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church rather than to go fishing.
To which the boy replied, "Yes, ma'am, he did.
My dad said that he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
Chuck Norris once ran in a movie marathon.... and won.
Vote:
A teacher walks into her classroom and turns to the children and says, Today kids im going to ask you what job your daddy has!
She turns to the first child and says, What job dose your daddy have tina??
She replies; he is a carpenter miss.
The teacher turns to the next child and repeats the question...the child says he is the head of a multi-organic food chain.
Very good indeed says miss..........she turns to the next child and says.
What job does your daddy have Robert??
He replies... He's a male prostitute miss; and demands 50 quid.
No,No,No your lying to me Robert i can tell!
Ok then miss you got me i confess.........................................
HE PLAYS RUGBY FOR ENGLAND BUT IM TO ASHAMED TO SAY!!!
Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine.
He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.
After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves.
As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"
"What's the matter?"
Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
"Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted.
"You can't get out of here with an eight iron!"