Joke #13201

Q: What's a terrorist's favorite day in November? A: Bomb fire night.
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has 65.52 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: holiday, terrorist, time

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There were only two people in line ahead of me at the electronics store, yet the wait was dragging on forever. Finally, the customer behind me muttered, "Mr. Hare must be on vacation." Only then did I notice the name tag on the man at the register. It read: "Mr. Turtle, sales associate."
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: customer service, holiday, time
Terrorists take a group of lawyers hostage. They ask for a ransom of $20 million and threaten to release one lawyer at a time if not given what they ask for.
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has 62.74 % from 111 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, life, money, terrorist, time
Knew a Muslim kid in college who was notorious for being late to everything. We called him 9/12.
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has 61.80 % from 194 votes. More jokes about: college, religious, terrorist, time
An Indian soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Indian army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in a Pakistani tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked "How did you do it?" "Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the Border. As I saw a Pakistani tank. I put my white flag up, the Pakistani tank put his white flag up. I said to the Pakistani soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"
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has 4.72 % from 732 votes. More jokes about: holiday, military, time
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?" The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds." The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you start the flood?"
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has 34.72 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: doctor, holiday, lawyer
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!" Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?" "No, sweetheart," she responds. Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?" "Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says. "One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send checks for the Visa and MasterCard this month?" he asks. "Oh, forgive me, Abie," begged Esther. "I didn’t send that one, either." Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?" Abe answers, "They’ll find us!"
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has 84.14 % from 263 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, holiday, money, travel
The November 5th Gunpowder Plot has been described as the 9/11 of its day. Staged by the government to discredit an entire religion.
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has 44.95 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: life, political, religious, time
Guy gets pulled over in his car by a pair of dudes in balaclavas, pointing guns in his face. Terrorist (menacing voice): "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?" Driver, panicking, doesn't know which answer will save his life, has a bright idea. Driver: "Neither, actually. In fact I'm Jewish." Terrorist shouts to other terrorist: "Fucking hell Abdul, we've got one at last!"
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has 63.75 % from 184 votes. More jokes about: car, jewish, life, religious, terrorist
I went to an ISIS birthday party once. The musical chairs were a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick.
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has 72.06 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: birthday, music, party, terrorist
Steve rushed into a crowded tavern on Saturday night. Men and women stood 3 deep at the bar. Our man, who felt nature calling strongly, looked about him but couldn't see anything that resembled a bathroom. He saw a stairway and race up the steps to the second floor in his desperate search. Just as his bowels threatened to erupt, he spotted a one foot by one foot hole in the floor. Now, at the end of us control, he decided to take advantage of the hole. He dropped his pants, hunched over the hole, and did his thing. Thoroughly relieved and relaxed, he sauntered down the steps to find, to his surprise, that the bar which was crowded a few minutes ago, was now empty. "Hey!" He yelled to the empty room, "Where is everyone?" From behind the bar a voice responded, "Where were you when the poop hit the fan?"
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has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: bar, time