A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office.
Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck.
The lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
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A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city donated to a fund for his funeral.
The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling.
"A shilling?" said the Justice, "It only takes shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go bury 20 of `em!"
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender.
Do you trust your fellow officers?
A: Yes sir, with my life.
What’s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
The hooker will stop screwing you when you’re dead.
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?" asked the client.
"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
A woman went to her doctor for advice.
She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea.
The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?"
She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?"
She said no.
The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant."
The woman was mystified.
She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?"
The Doctor replied, "Of course.
Where do you think lawyers come from?"
Down in the bayou, Bubba called an attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suin' the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true." responded the lawyer.
A lawyer was asked if he likes to become a Jehovah's Witness.
He declined, as he hadn't seen the accident, but replied that he would still be interested in taking the case.
Vote:
A young lawyer says to ones of his colleagues:
-A lawyer is the freest creature in the world.
He’s not dependent of nothing except of his clients, his colleagues, judge and of the High Court...!
A patient that was waiting for a heart transplant has the chance to choose tree alternatives:
1. One heart is from a young athlete that died from a car accident.
2. Second is the heart of a business man that never smoked or drunk that died from an airplane accident.
3. The last one is a lawyers heart that died after 30 years of experience.
I'll take the lawyers heart.
After the transplant, the doctor asks the patient:
"Why did you choose the lawyers heart?"
"Simple! I chose the heart that was less used..."