Joke #5051

A: What's the difference between a lawyer and an undertaker? B: A Lawyer doesn't mind getting his hands dirty while burying his victims.
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice. To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney.
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has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
An aspiring young lawyer was sitting in her office late one night, when Satan appeared before her. The Devil told the lawyer "I have a proposition for you…" "You can win every case you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your your husband’s soul, your children’s souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and the souls of all your friends and law partners." The lawyer ponders this for a moment, then finally asks: "So, what’s the catch?"
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has 84.83 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: age, family, husband, lawyer, money
The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps with pictures of favorite lawyers on them. The people that use them don’t know which side to spit on!
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial? Odour in court.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer
Question: How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie? Answer: His lips begin to move.
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has 27.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer.
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has 50.70 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they’re off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. ”Help me find my ball. Look over there,” he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ”I’ve found my ball!” he announces. ”After all of the years we’ve been partners and playing together,” Jon says, “you’d cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?” ”What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!” ”And you’re a liar, too!” Jon says. ”I’ll have you know I’ve been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!”
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has 81.02 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: golf, lawyer, money
A lawyer is paid £950 in new bills but, on counting the money, he discovers that two notes have stuck together and he’s been overpaid by £50. This leaves him with an ethical dilemma – should he tell his partner?
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.
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has 75.77 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: god, lawyer, men, tax
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange"!
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has 60.56 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: lawyer