Joke #5051

A: What's the difference between a lawyer and an undertaker? B: A Lawyer doesn't mind getting his hands dirty while burying his victims.
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
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has 58.77 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: funeral, lawyer, women
A lawyer with insomnia consults his doctor. ‘Which side is it best to lie on?’ he asks. ‘The side that pays your fee,’ replies the doctor.
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A blonde, a priest, a doctor, a nurse, a brunette, a redhead, a lawyer, a rabbi, a musician, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinaman, an Irishman, an Englishman an American, A Russian, an Iraqi, Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Sarah Palin, George W Bush, Osama Bin laden and Barack Obama walked into a bar. The barman said, "Hang on a minute, is this some sort of joke?"
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has 29.62 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, blonde, lawyer, nurse, priest
A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home elated one night. “Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.” “Settled it!” cried his astonished father. “Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!”
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has 76.32 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: dad, lawyer, money
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.
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has 76.06 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex? To prevent clients from being billed twice for the same service.
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has 56.77 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What do you call Satan and a lawyer? Twins!
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has 11.50 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
How are a lawyer and a prostitute different? The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.
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has 81.43 % from 636 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, lawyer
An accountant and a lawyer were laying on a beach in Hawaii sipping mai tai's. The lawyer started telling the accountant how he came to be there. "I had this downtown property in Memphis that caught fire and after the insurance paid off, I came here." The accountant said, "I had a downtown property, too, in Miami. It got flooded so here I am with the insurance proceeds." The lawyer took another sip of his mai tai, and then asked in a puzzled voice, "How do you start a flood?"
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has 78.12 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: accountant, geography, lawyer