Q: What do you call a very small valentine? A: A valen-tiny!
Q: What did the valentines day card say to the stamp? A: Stick with me and you'll go places.
How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine's Day? You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a bouquet of roses up his ass.
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? A: Forget-me-nuts.
A woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board. "Sure," I said, "as long as you provide your own kennel." I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over. The customer was flummoxed: "I'll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!"
Valentines Slogans 10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. 9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow. 8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore. 7. This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night. 6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass. 5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!! 4. Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass. 3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty". 2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny! 1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's? Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you. Boy Monster: Is it still beating?
"Honey, on this Valentine's Day, I want to tell you something... I'm not rich like Jack, I don't have a mansion like Russell, or I don't have a Porsche like Martin, but I do love you and want to marry you." "Oh, dear... I love you too... but, what was that you said about Martin?"
Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. Happy Valentine's Day.