Joke #13523

Q: What do you call a very small valentine? A: A valen-tiny!
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has 76.89 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: communication, Valentines day

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Q: What did the valentines day card say to the stamp? A: Stick with me and you'll go places.
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has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: communication, travel, Valentines day
I just love to do special things for my wife on Valentine's day. Like open the door for her when she puts all the laundry in the washing machine, or plug and unplug the vacuum as she moves from room to room cleaning. Guys, it's these little thoughtful things you can do to have a marriage such as mine.
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has 58.51 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: love, marriage, technology, Valentines day, wife
An 87-year-old man chats with his doctor: "So, I'm getting married again next week, doc!" "Oh, that's wonderful! And how old is the bride?" "She's 19." "That's fantastic – but I have to warn you, too much action in the bed can be deadly!" "Ah well, if she dies, I'll just have to remarry."
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, doctor, marriage, old people
I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine... I always get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.
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has 78.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: age, communication, mean, wife, wine
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: divorce, lawyer, love, Valentines day
It was the standard series of check-in questions that every traveler gets at the airlines counter, including, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" "If it was put there without my knowledge," I asked, "how would I know?" The agent behind the counter smiled smugly. "That's why we ask."
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: communication, customer service, travel
The new office-boy came into his boss's office and said, "I think you re wanted on the phone, sir." "What d you mean, you think?" demanded the boss. "Well, sir, the phone rang, I answered it and a voice said is that you, you old fool?"
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: communication, management, mean, office, phone
Hallmark would make "Sorry I don't remember your name" cards. If your girlfriend really needs to talk to you during the game, she'll appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time," would complete a break up. Birth control would come in ale or lager. Instead of an engagement ring, you could surprise your fiance with a giant "You're #1!" foam hand. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th, so it would only occur in leap years.
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has 37.92 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: game, marriage, Valentines day
Teacher: "Little Johnny can you say a sentence to use with dirty words? Little Johnny: "Yesterday my school was late so I had to run in order to reach on time." Teacher: "You didn't use any bad word in your sentence." Little Johnny: "Well, when I was running I farted many times!"
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has 65.38 % from 171 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, fart, little Johnny, teacher
It was Valentine's day and Jim and Danielle's first date. They sat in the darkened cinema waiting for the film to start. The screen finally lit up with a flashy advertisement for the cinema's concession stand. Jim and Danielle realised that there was no sound. The film began but the silence continued. Suddenly, out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd loudly shouted, "Okay, who's got the remote control?"
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has 57.55 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: dating, technology, Valentines day