Chuck Norris often walks on Bikini Atoll during tests to get a tan.
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Kim Kardashian use to be 8 feet tall until Chuck Norris uppercut both her feet and that is why her ass is so big.
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We're hoping Chuck Norris doesn't go bald on top.
It's a bad look with his mullet.
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Think of the hottest woman.
Chuck Norris did her.
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Global warming is caused by transient energy leftover from Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks.
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During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the priest with an unusual offer:
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows.
When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."
He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the priest looked the young man in the eye and said:
"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes, I do" then leaned toward the priest and hissed:
"I thought we had a deal."
The priest put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered:
"She made me a better offer."
Q: You know why women haven't landed on the moon?
A: Because there is no shopping centre.
The Matrix once had to take the red pill to escape from Chuck Norris.
It failed.
Nothing can escape from Chuck Norris.
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When Chuck Norris was a kid he taught his parents to stay away from strangers.
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When Chuck Norris goes through airport security he makes them take their shoes off.
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They wanted to put Chuck Norris's face on Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.
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