I'd tell you that I'm a nihilist but what is the point.
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The November 5th Gunpowder Plot has been described as the 9/11 of its day.
Staged by the government to discredit an entire religion.
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?"
And then she went back to reading her book.
Vote:
Sex is bad
Sex is a sin
Sins are forgiven
So stick it in.
Q: Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused a Novocain injection during root canal treatment?
A: He wanted to transcend dental medication!
Man: You've brought religion into my life.
Woman: Really? How?
Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell.
When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
Guy gets pulled over in his car by a pair of dudes in balaclavas, pointing guns in his face.
Terrorist (menacing voice): "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?"
Driver, panicking, doesn't know which answer will save his life, has a bright idea.
Driver: "Neither, actually. In fact I'm Jewish."
Terrorist shouts to other terrorist: "Fucking hell Abdul, we've got one at last!"
A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.
The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train.
After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying "I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork... Have you actually ever tasted it?"
The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion."
Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation.
He asked, "Your religion, too... I know you’re supposed to be celibate. But..."
The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you’re going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice."
There was silence for a while.
Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn’t it?"