Joke #4970

How do you get 100 babies into a bucket? With a blender!

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken. The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."

So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob. "Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work." "Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday." So I call him on his cell. "What gives, bro,?" I ask. "Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes." I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer." "Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."

My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104. We called her Aunt Tique.

What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller? A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!

How did they know that the driver had dandruff? They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.

It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds. An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.

Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A: With a knife.

What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't? Ended a race.

Q: Whats the difference between a box full of dead babies and a cadillac? A: I don't have a cadillac in my garage.