Worst way to ask for anal:
"Aww come on...I bet my dick is tiny compared to some of the shits you've taken!"
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Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
A Chinese man came home after a late night of drinking, and crawls in bed next to his sleeping wife.
After lying awake for a few minutes, he wakes up his wife and says "Hey honey, wanna do a sixty-nine?"
"Well, you've got a lot of nerve! First you come home late, you're drunk, and now you expect me to go to the kitchin and fix you Mongolian beef with snow-peas!"
A man and his wife go to the doctor to see how they could improve their sex life.
The doctor recommends Viagra.
They come back and see him in a couple of weeks.
The doctor says "how was the Viagra?"
The wife says "great I love it."
Husband says "I like it but it has some side effects, we're bared from McDonald's for life."
Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.
Two sperm are in the body looking for the egg when one of them starts to wonder why it is taking so long.
He asks the other sperm, "aren't we near the uterus yet?"
"No," replied the other sperm, "we haven't even gotten to the esophagus."
Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?
What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is using a feather.
Kinky is using the whole chicken.
Two firemen are butt fucking in a smoked filled room.
The fire chief walks in and says "what are you doing?"
Give this man mouth to mouth then one of the firemen says:
"I did how do you think all this shit got started..."
Baby, baby, baby ooh!
Mom: *walks in* Are you listening to Justin Bieber?
Daughter: No, I'm watching porn.
Mom: Oh, thank goodness.