Worst way to ask for anal: "Aww come on...I bet my dick is tiny compared to some of the shits you've taken!"
Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together.
Why don’t women blink during foreplay? They don’t have time.
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
As she lay there dozing next to me a voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients." But another voice kept saying, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."
Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex: - You can GET chocolate. - Chocolate satisfies even when it's gone soft. - You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. - You can have chocolate in in public. - If you bite the nuts, the chocolate won't mind. - The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate. - You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate. - No need to fake your enjoyment of chocolate. - Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant. - You can have chocolate at any time of the month. - You are never too young or too old for chocolate. - Size doesn't matter - though more is still better.
Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
When the first legal brothel opened here in Brissy I got the OK from the missus to check it out and have myself a good time. I was in there like a flash and as I was the only client at that time I has my choice of the buffet on offer. I chose a gorgeous tall slim redhead but before moving off to the rooms she stated that she wont work with anyone unless they are 10 inches. Being a little embarrassed as you would be I asked her politely to sit back down. I mean after all, no matter how hot they were I wasn't about to cut 2 inches of my manhood for anyone...
What are the small bumps around women’s nipples? It’s Braille for ‘suck here’.
What's a man's definition of a romantic evening? Sex.
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.