Two men visit a prostitute.
The first man goes into the bedroom.
He comes out ten minutes later and says, ‘Heck.
My wife is better than that.’
The second man goes in.
He comes out ten minutes later and says, ‘You know?
Your wife IS better.’
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The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom...
I usually wear a yellow and green vest.
Your beauty is why God invented eyeballs, but your booty is why God invented my balls!
Are you a shark?
Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.
Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"?
Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"
Worst way to ask for anal:
"Aww come on...I bet my dick is tiny compared to some of the shits you've taken!"
Q: What does it mean if you were born in September?
A: That your parents started the new year with a bang!
You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex?
Because he never fucks up.
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Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?
A mother without any pant was playing with her son.
The boy pointing to her mother's pussy asked: "Mammy, what is that dark wooly between your feet?
Mother: "My sweet that is a brush."
Son: "Where is it's bundle?"
Mother: "In your daddy's pant."
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"Hey Bill... Do you talk to your wife while you are having sex?"
"Only if there's a phone handy", Bill replied.
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