Joke #14101

Knock-knock. Who is there? Stopwatch. Stopwatch who? Stopwatch you're doing and have a happy Valentines Day!
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has 29.51 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: knock-knock, Valentines day, work

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Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. "Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag." "That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought." Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."
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has 70.84 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: friendship, mean, Valentines day, wife, work
A man wanted Valentine's Day to be special, so he bought a bottle of absinthe and stopped by the florist's to order a bouquet of his wife's favorite flower: white anemones. Unfortunately, the florist was sold out of flowers and had only a few stems of feathery ferns. The man asked the florist to make a bouquet out of the ferns and the flask of liquor. He added a card and proceeded home. After a romantic candlelight dinner, he presented his wife with the gift. She opened the card to read, "Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder." With a tear in her eye, she whispered to him lovingly, "Yes, and with fronds like these, who needs anemones."
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has 76.48 % from 218 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, marriage, romantic, Valentines day, wife
"Have you heard my knock-knock joke?" asked the blonde. "No," said the brunette. "Okay," said the blonde, "you start."
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has 36.21 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: blonde, knock-knock, stupid
Robert came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed. 'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', Asked Robert. 'I'm going to Nairobi', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get 4000 a night for what I give you for free! 'Robert said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand. 'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife. Robert said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on 8000 a year!'
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has 69.02 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: money, sex, travel, wife, work
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
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has 81.00 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, tax, work
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
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has 74.78 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: divorce, lawyer, love, Valentines day
A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant. His friend asks, "Didn't your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?" The businessman replies, "That's the accountant we're looking for."
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: accountant, business, time, work
Two friends talk: "Hi, what are you doing?" "Not much, writing a Valentine's Day greeting card." "Why are you writing it with your left hand? Are you left-handed?" "No, I just can't let my right hand to see it. It's a surprise for it."
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has 64.73 % from 63 votes. More jokes about: dirty, friendship, Valentines day
Knock Knock. Who's there! Ice cream! Ice cream who? Ice cream if you don't let me in!
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has 62.48 % from 189 votes. More jokes about: food, knock-knock
Knock knock. Who's there? Sarah. Sarah who? Sarah problem here?
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has 51.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: knock-knock