Q: What's long and thin and covered with skin and nobody knows how many holes its been in.
A: A worm.
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How do you go about hiring a horse?
Try two pairs of stilts!
An elephant goes to a camel and says why have you got a pair of tits on your back, the camel then replies that's a funny question coming from someone with a dick on their face.
I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth.
Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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Two neighbors are talking to each other.
First neighbor: Do you know that my dog is so smart, he waits for the newspaper to drop at the doorstep and then delivers it to me?
Second neighbor: Of course, I know that very well.
First neighbor: Really, well then, how?
Second neighbor: My dog came and told me.
Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
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Who robs banks and squirts ink?
Billy the Squid.
Racehorses have to pee like Chuck Norris.
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The judge:
Why did you shoot the rabbit without being a member of the hunters association?
The inculpated:
Why did the rabbit eat cabbage from my garden, without being a family member?