Q: What's long and thin and covered with skin and nobody knows how many holes its been in.
A: A worm.
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A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out.
A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"
Q: What's a tiger running a copy machine called?
A: A copycat!
One day, a guy decides to go ice fishing.
He gets out onto the ice and starts making a hole with his ice augur.
Suddenly he hears a booming voice say "there's no fish there!"
He looks around startled but doesn't see anyone.
He packs up and moves to another spot and starts working on a new hole.
Again he hears the booming voice "there's no fish there!"
He moves again and starts making a new hole and hears the voice again.
"There's no fish there!" it booms.
He looks up nervously.
"G-G-God? I-I-Is that... you?" he asks.
"No, it's the arena manager. Get the fuck out of here!"
A dog goes to a telegraph office and dictates a message.
‘Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.’
The operator reads it back then says, ‘Y’ know, we charge per ten words.
You could have an extra ‘woof’ for free.’
‘No thanks,’ says the dog.
Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks?
A: Professional courtesy.
What’s black and white and makes a lot of noise?
A zebra with a drum kit.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion?
It had a lot of hare pins.
Q. How do rednecks have safe sex?
A. They mark the sheep that kick!
Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm."
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