Q: What's long and thin and covered with skin and nobody knows how many holes its been in.
A: A worm.
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A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian.
"Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him.
"How do I do that?" he asked.
"Carefully," replied the vet.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.
He came across two men.
One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.
A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, "What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck, "Water".
A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle."
His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..."
He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"
I just watched a squirrel bury a nut in my front yard.
I'm going to dig it up and replace it with a Cadbury egg.
That'll blow his little mind.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
I have asked my mamma: "Mamma, why do we have 10 cock birds but only 1 hen?"
Mama has said to me: "Because I want that she has a better life than I had."
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven’t got the energy."
"Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They’re packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Sh*t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there...