Joke #14188

Spider: Why are you terrified by me? Me: Well the reasons I had have all now been replaced by the fact you can talk.

If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.

One day, two skunks named In and Out, asked their mother if they could go into a store and play. Their mother said yes, but only for an hour. An hour later, only Out came back. Their mother said, "Out, you'd better go back in and find In." About 10 seconds later, Out comes back with In. Their mother asked how Out found In so quickly. "Easy." Out said. "In-stincts."

This stupid bug is appearing on a blasted line which would blow up the toilet. Then they go like "Tom tom tom tom" then back to the toilet and stupidly disgusted by a recently married woman and erecting a man in a toilet.

A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one. After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm. "But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend. "Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."

One goldfish to his tankmate: "If there's no God, who changes the water?"

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" The bird said, "You know."

What do you get if you cross a hippo, elephant and a rhino? A Helephino!!

If it walks like a duck, talks lidek a duck, and smell like a duck but Chuck Norris says it's a girrafe. It's a damn girrafe!

Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup." Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"

The Teacher asked Little Johnny, "How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?" Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any."