The Grinch stole Christmas until Chuck Norris ordered him to return it.
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The Grinch didn't really steal Christmas.
He just hired Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris.
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The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
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Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.
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The Grinch steals Christmas from Santa, Chuck Norris steals Christmas from the Grinch.
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This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad.
He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!
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Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse.
Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass.
When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter.
When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell.
He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."
Q: What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common?
A: They both have balls just for decoration.
Your mamma so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas when Jusse said his first words you a hoe.
All of Chuck Norris's opinions can be proven with science.
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