The Grinch stole Christmas until Chuck Norris ordered him to return it.
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The Grinch didn't really steal Christmas.
He just hired Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris.
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The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
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Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.
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The Grinch steals Christmas from Santa, Chuck Norris steals Christmas from the Grinch.
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This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad.
He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!
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If Chuck Norris was in Lord of the Rings, he wouldn't need to take it to Mount Doom, he would destroy it with one roundhouse kick.
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This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh.
The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?"
So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
A young teacher explains to her class of third graders that she is a born-again Christian.
She asks the class if any of them are born-again Christians too.
Not really knowing what it means to be born-again, but wanting to please and impress their teacher, many little hands suddenly shot up into the air.
There's just one girl who doesn't raise her hand.
So the teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
The girl says, "Because I'm not a Christian."
The teacher asks, "So what are you then? "
The girl replies, "I'm an atheist."
The teacher's a little perturbed now, her face slightly red.
She asks the girl why she's an atheist.
The girl says, "It's just that my family isn't religious. My Mom's atheist, and my Dad's atheist, so I'm atheist."rnrnThe teacher is now angry. "
That's no reason." she says loudly.
"What if your Mom was a moron, and your Dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
"Then," says the girl, "I'd be a born-again Christian."
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