The Grinch stole Christmas until Chuck Norris ordered him to return it.
The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad. He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris.
The Grinch steals Christmas from Santa, Chuck Norris steals Christmas from the Grinch.
Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.
The Grinch didn't really steal Christmas. He just hired Chuck Norris.
Yo mama so stupid someone said Christmas was around the corner and she went looking for it.
Racehorses have to pee like Chuck Norris.
The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn't want get winded outrunning it. Chuck Norris hates to sweat.
James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United. They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together. One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16. The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty. Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season. Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'. 'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'