The Grinch stole Christmas until Chuck Norris ordered him to return it.
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The Grinch didn't really steal Christmas.
He just hired Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris.
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The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
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Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.
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The Grinch steals Christmas from Santa, Chuck Norris steals Christmas from the Grinch.
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This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad.
He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!
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Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!
What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells!
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.
He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."
Chuck Norris once killed a man in New York while practicing Bruce Lee's one inch punch...
Chuck Norris was in San Franscisco at the time.
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