Joke #8719

The Grinch stole Christmas until Chuck Norris ordered him to return it.

The Grinch didn't really steal Christmas. He just hired Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't celebrate Xmas, Xmas celebrates Chuck Norris.

The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.

Santa leaves out cookies for Chuck Norris.

The Grinch steals Christmas from Santa, Chuck Norris steals Christmas from the Grinch.

This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad. He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse. Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass. When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter. When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell. He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer. He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart. He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night."

Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..." "I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..." "I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

Chuck Norris doesn't pick up his food to eat it. He commands it to enter his mouth.