What did one Christmas tree say to the other?
You've got a lot of balls walking in here dressed like that.
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What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells!
Yo momma is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas.
Little Johnny: „Mom, can I get a dog at Christmas, please?"
Mother: „No, you'll be getting turkey, like every year!"
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Q: Why do Mexicans have tamales for Christmas?
A: So they'll have something to unwrap.
Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas.
At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
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Yo mama so stupid that she mourned wen we slaughtered a goat for Cristmas.
Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas?
A: Cancer.
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Yo mamma so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.
James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United.
They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together.
One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16.
The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty.
Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season.
Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'.
'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'