Joke #14195

What did one Christmas tree say to the other? You've got a lot of balls walking in here dressed like that.

Jesus said to John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." He came fifth and received a toaster.

If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.

How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas? Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."

You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.

Yo mamma so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing.

Q: What did the little black kid get for Christmas? A: My bike.

Your moms like a christmass tree all the guys put there balls on her.

Q: What do cannibal tax advisors do after their office Christmas Dinner? A: Toast their clients.

What did the black kid get for Christmas? YOUR BIKE!