Q: Why is it so hot at Phillies games?
A: Because there's not a fan in the place.
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A true story, according to the LA Times.....
Coach Frank Layden of the Utah Jazz asked forward Jeff Wilkins, "Is your bad play due to ignorance or apathy?"
Wilkins replied, "I don't know and I don't care!"
Everyone should stop hating on Lance Armstrong.
He won 7 Toure De France's on DRUGS!
When I'm on drugs, I can't even FIND my bicycle.
Chuck Norris won the Tour De France on a stationary bike.
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Did you know you can download the whole Tyson-Holyfield fight off the internet?
It doesn’t take much memory – just two Bytes.
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Played a round of golf with the local course pro for some helpful tips.
After playing the first hole I turned to him for some advice and all he said was "loft".
So after the next 4 holes I asked him again and all he said was "loft"
Now we're done with the round and I asked him why after each hole all he would ever tell me was "loft"?
To which the pro relies "loft" - "Lack Of F*cking Talent"
So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.
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One day, the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.
Smiling the Lord proclaimed,
"You don't have a chance; I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here".
"Yes", snickered the devil, "but I have all the umpires."
The stock market really plummeted today, but luckily there is a computer chip that is used to turn off the board if it gets too low.
The Cubs have the same chip in there scoreboard.
Q: What is the difference between Cheerios and Georgia Tech?
A: Cheerios belong in a bowl.