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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
Little Johnny was a chemist.
Little Johnny is no more.
What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
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Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!
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The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-.
These are also Chuck Norris' initials.
This is not a coincidence.
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Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle?
A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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