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The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon.
Vote:
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
A: Na
Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water.
The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.
He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass.
It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died.
"Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked.
Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
Vote:
If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
A: It went OK.
Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
A: He got Avogadro's number!
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.