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Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.
Helium walks into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.
Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
A: He got Avogadro's number!
My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!
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Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."
The neutron says "Are you sure?"
The proton replies "I'm positive."
Q: What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?
A: CSI
A scientist tells a pharmacist, "Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid."
"Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist.
The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!" he says. "I can never remember the name."
A man who wants to murder his wife goes in a pharmacy and asks for cyanide.
"I'm sorry sir, but I can't give you cyanide just like that."
Without a word, the man takes out his wife's photograph and holds it in front of him.
The pharmacist apologizes, "My mistake, I didn't realize you had a prescription."
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