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Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A: A ferrous wheel.
Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
A: It went OK.
A scientist tells a pharmacist, "Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid."
"Do you mean aspirin?" asks the pharmacist.
The scientist slaps his forehead. "That's it!" he says. "I can never remember the name."
Helium walks into a bar.
The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-.
These are also Chuck Norris' initials.
This is not a coincidence.
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Little Johnny was a chemist.
Little Johnny is no more.
What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
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An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: "Anyone knows the formula for water?"
"Sure. That's easy," said one man.
"What is it?"
"H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O."
"What, what?" reasked the instructor.
"H to O," explained the chemistry expert.