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Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
Money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.
The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.
If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water.
The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.
He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass.
It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died.
"Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked.
Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
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The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-.
These are also Chuck Norris' initials.
This is not a coincidence.
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If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Q: Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?
A: He got Avogadro's number!
As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up:
Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
Little Johnny was a chemist.
Little Johnny is no more.
What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
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