Joke #14251

What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet? When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired.

Came out the gym the other day and cop asked me how I got that body. I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the trunk and there she was"

Did you hear about the cannibal who joined the police force? He said he wanted to grill his suspects.

One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. The deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and shot those two dead boys. If you don't believe this joke is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too.

A Mexican and a nigga are riding in car. Who's driving? A cop!

Two clones are on a roof. One clone pushes the other clone off. The next day the police arrest him for making an obscene clone fall.

Two police officers stopped a guy for speeding on the province highway in Mississauga, Ontario. As they were writing up the ticket, one oficer turned to the other and said: "How do you spell Mississauga?" The other one replied: "I don't know." So the first one said: "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong, it will get dismissed." The second oficer said: "Why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Toronto?"

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution. "Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile. "Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile. "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac. There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."

A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I’ve got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he’s stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He’s still wriggling. What should I do?" "In the back of your truck there’s a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm worker says okay and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush." "So what’s the problem now?" his Boss snapped. "The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"

Having gone to his secretary's apartment, Mr. Biggs was astonished to wake up and find that it was three in the morning. "My God!" he shouted, "My wife is going to kill me!" Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran to the nearest pay phone and called his wife. "Honey!" he began, "Don't call the cops and don't pay the ransom." "I escaped!"

A priest was driving down the road one day when getting stopped by a cop. The cop smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He said to the priest, "Father, have you been drinking?" The priest replied, "Only water, officer." The cop then asked him, "Then why can I smell wine?" The priest looked at the bottle and said, "Good Lord! He's done it again."