Boy: you left this at my house last night
Girl: that aint mine
Boy : sorry number 32 I thought you were someone else
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The parish priest needs his house painted so he offers the job to one of his altar boys.
The first day the kid paints the entire inside of the house, he’s sweating like hell but eventually gets it finished.
The priest commends him on the work and with a flourish hands him a £5.00 note.
The boy looks at the money and says to the priest, "Thanks very much Father,...you’re a virgin."
The priest is a bit startled but makes no remark.
The next day the boy has to paint the outside of the house; it’s a really hot day and he just manages to finish the job without collapsing.
The priest looks at the job and this time gives the lad another £5.00 note.
Once again the lad looks at the money and says, "Thanks very much Father, you really are a virgin."
At this stage the priest decides to take action.
"Tommy," he says, "that’s twice you’ve called me a virgin. Do you have any idea what the word means?"
"Yes," says the kid, "a tight cunt."
A father was advising his son: "If you want to have a big and strong dick in future you have to eat more walnuts."
Suddenly son's mother by an angry face shouted: "Why when you were child did'nt eat enough walnut yourself?"
My girlfriend asked me for the 7th time in a row for me to smash raw...
She must think I'm made of coat hangers.
Vote:
Lesbians can also take Viagra.
They don't have to swallow it, they just let it melt in their tongues.
Let's not mess with nature.
We are here to make babies.
So, let's get to it.
Roses are red, violets are blue...
I'm in love but not with you...
When we broke up you thought I cried
But all it was...
Was another guy,
You told your friends that I was a trick,
I told mine that you had a weak dick...
I said I loved you
And you thought it was true,
But guess what baby?!
You got played too!
Roses are red
lemons are sour.
Open your legs
and give me an hour.
What do you call a sex-crazed gay cannibal?
A head hunter!
Q: What are three words you dead the most while making love?
A: "Honey, I'm home."