Joke #3599

Q: When is the only time you can smack an ugly woman in the face? A: When her mustache is on fire.
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When you are in Hospital, your friends ask: "Hey, how are you dear?" But your best friend ask: "Hey buddy, how is the nurse?"
Vote: has 75.96 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

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Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

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A couple driving home hit and wounded a skunk on the road. The wife gets out and brings it back to the car. "We need to take it to a vet. Its shivering, it must be cold, what should I do?" she asks. Husband replies "Put it between your legs to keep it warm." "But it stinks!" she exclaims. "So hold its nose!"
Vote: has 84.59 % from 480 votes. Send joke:

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Did you hear about the theft at the Viagra factory? The police are looking for some hardened criminals!
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A rich man and a poor man were sitting at a bar having a few drinks and they got chatting. after a while they realise both of there wedding anniverserys are the next day. Poor man, "What did you get your wife for her wedding anniversery?" Rich man, "I got her a pink farrari and a diamond ring." Poor man, "What made you choose those gifts?" Rich man, "She loves fast cars and I wasnt sure about the ring so if she doesnt like it, she can take it back in her new car... " The poor, "Man nodds in agreement." Rich man, "What did you get your wife?" Poor man, "I got my wife a pair of cheep slippers and a dildo." Rich man, "Why did you choose those gifts?" Poor man, " Well if she doesnt like the slippers she can go f*uck herself."
Vote: has 83.59 % from 254 votes. Send joke:

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Q: How do you cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? A: Tell them you can't cum.
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My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."
Vote: has 62.19 % from 46 votes. Send joke:

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A guy's talking to a girl in a bar. He says, "What's your name?" She says, "Carmen." He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?" She says, "No, I named myself." He says, "Why Carmen?" She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?" He says, "Beerfuck."
Vote: has 74.61 % from 85 votes. Send joke:

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Joe is on his last day at work as a mailman. He receives many thank-you cards and monetary gifts along his route. When he gets to the very last house, he is greeted by a gorgeous housewife, who invites him in for lunch. Joe happily accepts. After lunch, the woman invites him up to the bedroom for some "desert." Joe happily accepts again. When they are done, the woman gives him a dollar. Joe asks what the dollar is all about. The woman replies: "It was my husband's suggestion. When I told him that it was your last day at work, he told me 'F**k him, give him a dollar. The lunch was my idea."
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A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy back wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?" She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.
Vote: has 80.94 % from 323 votes. Send joke:

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